Understanding
by Elpheen
Summary: And most of all, I understand.' What if Kate overheard Sawyer imparting a certain message to Jack about one AnaLucia? How would she take it? Skate, oneshot, criticism welcome.


**Disclaimer: I do not own 'Lost' or any of the characters, much as I would love to. I have also borrowed a line from 'Friends' that just seemed to fit so perfectly. I don't own that either.**

A/N: Okay, here it is, my second 'Lost' fic in two days; wow! I really didn't see this one coming, but after writing '...Without You' I just had this incredible urge to write more! It's a completely separate fic, however, still Skate, of course, and again, slightly angsty. I hope you enjoy, once again, reviews are very much appreciated, you've no idea how happy I was to see five reviews for my other fic already :o)

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**Understanding**

Kate couldn't sleep. She kept hearing his voice, over and over in her mind, not understanding why it bothered her so much.

'I screwed her.'

She had come down to the hatch to pick up the jacket she'd left whilst she was on duty, and couldn't help but overhear the conversation the two men were having. When Sawyer relayed this piece of information to Jack she had run out of the hatch, far into the jungle, not wanting it to be true. She knew Sawyer had been checking out Ana-Lucia, but she put it down to his flirtatious nature and shrugged it off.

But this hurt so damn much.

Why? Why did she have to be attracted to the one man on this island that she couldn't have. It wasn't as if they even got on half the time, always bickering and sniping at each other. But it was never serious. Beneath the snide comments was a connection that she couldn't deny, though she doubted he'd noticed.

It had hurt her so much to see him lying there, hurt and unconscious, and not a thing she could do about it. And he had seen the horse. Assured her she wasn't crazy, though she knew that she was. Crazy for daring to think that she could even have a chance of being with him. She knew he wasn't perfect, but hell, neither was she. They were both murderers, both criminals. Yet somehow this made him easier to talk to. He understood her, unlike Jack who pushed her past aside, pretended it didn't matter.

Kate sighed, pushing her hair back from her face. She wanted to run. Run away from this place, away from the people around her. But there was nowhere to run anymore. She knew she had to stop running sometime, but why now, why here?

Climbing out of her tent, she began to walk down the beach, slowly, alone. Before she'd gone five meters she heard footsteps behind her.

'Hey Freckles.'

She closed her eyes, pretending she hadn't heard him. She wanted to be alone, away from everyone, most of all him.

'Hey, thought you could use a bit of company.'

'Yeah, well, I don't.'

Why did she always have to push everyone away? He was trying to be nice, at least she hoped he was; she wasn't in the mood to be throwing out sarcastic comments.

'Woah, Freckles, thought you were the one person on this goddamned rock that would still put up with my pleasurable company. Besides, I need to talk to you 'bout something.'

'Sawyer, really, not now. I just want to be alone.'

'Well, I guess that makes two of us, sweetcheeks.'

'Look, what do you want?' She had a feeling he was about to reveal his 'secret' encounter with Ana, and didn't think she could stand to hear the words fall from his lips for a second time.

For the first time since they'd met, he seemed to look apprehensive, evennervous, as he fell into step beside her.

'I…well…'

Kate rolled her eyes and stopped walking to turn and face him, 'Spit it out Sawyer, I'm not waiting all night for you trying to tell me that you and Ana-Lucia…y'know.'

'Who told you that?'

'No-one, Sawyer, I overheard you telling Jack.'

'I see, Freckles.'

'Don't call me that. Just…don't, please.' She looked up at him, her eyes begging him to turn away and leave her alone.

'What, no arguments, no questions? I have to say, Freckles, I'm a little surprised.'

Sure, she had questions, hundreds of them, why's and how's and when's that she could never ask, especially not to him. She could hardly admit to herself what it was that she felt for him, let alone give him a hint of it.

'Hey,' his voice was softer now, gentler than she'd heard it before. 'This isn't like you.'

'Why, Sawyer?' There, she'd asked it. She turned away, biting her lip, wishing with all her heart that she could take it back. She didn't want to hear his answer, couldn't stand to. And yet…she needed to know. Needed to know whether he could ever return her feelings. Or if she was just one of his toys, used to get rid of all his pent up hormonal stress of having no-one to flirt with.

'Why? Hell, sweetheart, there are so many answers to that question; I wouldn't know where to start.'

'Well why don't you try?'

'If that's want you want Freckles; but I can't promise you're gonna like what you hear.'

'I need to hear it, Sawyer.'

'Well fine by me. You wanna know why I slept with Ana? It's 'cause she reminded me of you.'

Kate was silent, fiddling at her nails, his response the last she would have expected to hear from him.

'That's right, Freckles, she reminded me of you; every time I saw her I couldn't help but think of you. So strong, so sure of herself, but inside she was breaking. Just like you, Kate.'

She glanced up at him as he said her name, uncertain as to whether she had heard him correctly.

'You think I haven't heard you crying, Kate? At night when you're alone and think no-one else can hear. But I hear, and I remember. I remember what it was like to be alone, to be confused. And most of all, I understand.'

Kate met his gaze steadily, as she tried to translate what he was saying. Was this really Sawyer talking? The same selfish Sawyer who argued with everyone, sat around all day pretending not to care. Was it possible for you to turn around and see someone you thought you knew in a completely different light?

'No-one understands, Sawyer. It's okay, you don't have to pretend to me. I don't mean anything to you, and that's okay. Don't lie to me, don't try and be someone you're not.'

'Freckles, didn't you read the damn letter? You think you're the only person to suffer? You think you've got everybody all figured out, don't you? Well why don't you stop being so goddamned selfish, and figure this.'

He kissed her roughly, taking her by surprise, and didn't stop when she gave a feeble attempt to push him away. Soon she relented and relaxed into his body. As soon as he felt her respond, he pulled away, leaving her flushed and bright-eyed.

'Now don't you tell me I don't understand, Kate, 'cause I do, better than you realise, better than anybody else in this hellhole, better than the good Doctor, and don't you be forgetting that.'

He turned away, walking back up the beach to the camp, leaving Kate confused and hurt. She always managed to hurt the ones she cared about, mostly unintentionally, but she knew that she had wanted to hurt Sawyer. She couldn't let anyone get close to her, scared they would leave her if she placed her trust in them.

Sighing, she began to trace Sawyer's footprints back to the tents. He was walking slowly, and once she knew he was in hearing distance, the wind blowing towards him, she whispered softly, 'I'm sorry.'

He turned and smiled slightly, his face flickering gold in the firelight. She stopped and turned to the sea, listening for a while to the crash of the waves on the sand, before slipping back to her tent. As she pulled the blanket over her, she heard a crinkling of paper. Reaching underneath the covers, she grasped a small note, written in a scrawled hand.

_Kate,_

_This is the only way of telling you without you running away from me. I never meant to hurt you. She kissed me, not the other way around. I know it sounds childish, but she started it. I regret so much that I didn't stop it before anything happened. I hope we can work this out, I can't stand that I'm the one causing you so much pain._

_Always yours, _

_James_

_PS. It's always been you, Kate._


End file.
